Inner Game – Outer Change

How can we change habits, improve ourselves, lead a good life with success and results?

We have heard the saying: “where focus goes, energy flows”. And it`s kinda like that,  what you focus on expands,  simply what we have our attention is the experience we get. But we often forget the other half of the equation:

What you resist, persist…

Meaning what we don’t want to see or feel with ourself or about certain things, may persist and will come up in our life again and again, for the reasons that we are ignoring it, again and again, It`s like a fundamental universal law.

These inner unresolved thoughts, feelings and sensations can truly hold us back and sabotasje for our gains or the success we seek.

So how do we overcome our inner obstacles or resistance? Overcoming outer obstacles or challenges can seem easier, or at least that’s what we are more used to. If we wanna increase our muscle composition or strength in lifting certain things- we need to put in consistent training with repetitions over time- and voilà – one day we are getting there.

But how do we increase mental focus, clarity, short term memory like remember a person’s name that we just met, and master our inner world and perception about our self. Let`s say we get noticed by a healthcare provider or our own body – that we need to get in shape by start exercising. But how do we shift our perception and motivation from being driven to stay away from physical exercise, to suddenly see exercising as the only option for improving our health?

Easier said than done, yet there are new evolved ways as we combine the knowledge of the mind & body, working with introspection and mental constructions. It`s similar to external things we are doing, like training and conversations, but it`s a new way and language to take these internally, see and engage with our inner world of ideas, beliefs and visuals – expressed by numerous different parts of our own psychi – Mind.

The Mind indeed got a structure, just like the body.

Our inner game interact with outer change

What is so difficult about implementing habits that you know are good for you?

What thoughts or feelings come up when you ask yourself this question?

See if you can understand the “why” behind it?

Listen and truly see the reason/s underneath why it’s hard to implement and adapt to the changes you wanna make, the actions you wanna do – goals you have set.

In this process you may get to know parts of you, (sub personalities), thoughts, feelings, emotions and sensations. And especially the one/s who are not agreeing or resisting the change or contradictions. Know it`s nothing wrong, it`s the nature of the mind, to be multiple.

All thoughts can be seen as their own system, persons or being, that are formed and shaped in multiple different ways, to contribute to our lives in so many beautiful unique ways. Everything from personal joy, creativity, bounding, managing our health, social area, protect and serve in multiple ways.


How to shift the resist that persist?

When a big challenge, life crisis or problem happens in our life, often during our earliest years, with stronger formation of the brain and developing belief systems. There`s a need for understanding, putting that experience into context, expressing it, integrating and moving on. Like for example being called a loser by people around you, or a failure by your earliest cartalkers- these deep early believe that we aren’t worthy get`s stored and runned on autopilot, unconsciously sabotaging our self cause we`r still caught up back there..

Being honest and true to our self is recognising the patterns in our life, both the positive traits and gifts with our character, and the negative ones that limits our full expression and potentials.

A lot of things have slipped into our unconscious as we got older, and often can we see them. We have just learned to ignore parts of our Self, for so many reasons, like not being called wired for being connected to our inner world. Men are told to not show emotions, hence ignoring them and so on..


It all starts with awareness and remembering who we are.

For people that practise meditation, are more introspective, we get the ability to listen within – the tools of observation and deeper self reflection. For us that are internally sensitive in these ways we see our personal patterns and habitual ways of living. And only by first becoming aware, we can make shifts and gradually change. What we often forget is who we truly are, before we were forming our world by our thinking and perspectives, as innocent babies, children and even prior to that.

Without thinking, believing, seeing true narrowed perspectives and getting attacked with what we identity with. We are something much more than any words can fully comprehend. The experience of being who you are today, is layered by your many conscious and unconscious choices. And we can let the fullness of our self remains a mystery, so for now we will simply call what we inherently are, for our True Self (the inherent goodness of our human soul, essence or consciousness).

Who and what we truly are, is always more than the sum of our parts and what we can identify with.

How our inner world try to help us...

Why do we resist change?

We can understand by what have been explained above, how different parts of us come in to “save us”, “put out the fire”, get us away, numb us down or whatever works – when shit goes down…

This happens during abuse, violence, stress about health, money, relationships and so on.

These parts inside us, react to felt sensations in the body, thoughts, belief systems, make up strategies and protective ways to actually help us. When we were 5 years old, that way of protecting made sense back then, when we went through our experience then. We only had the understanding and resources we could at that point in time.

Parts came in to help solve our problems, navigate, manage and even put down the fire of things that felt unsafe, that later became a trigger we bring with us as adults. Our parts try to control the situation the best way they can. To make more sense out of what parts of us are, I recommend diving into the evidence based psychotherapy method called Internal Family System (IFS) that birthed out of family therapy and decades of years of understanding the system of the mind. IFS builds and makes up a complete model of the structure of the Mind. Continuing with what Carl Gustav Jung explored, and continuing where Sigmund Freud stopped.

These fits perfectly with why we are resisting things, when we experience our self how the mind, body and essence work together, it`s similar also to the Shamanic understanding of inner worlds, dimensions and beings- but without the need to take any psychedelic substance to enter these world, it`s already here!


How to change our triggers or resisting parts?

When we for example procrastinate or in some ways sabotasje by finding reasons and excuses to not exercise, even if we know we need it. This is a part, or often many parts together making decisions. Another example if you suddenly scream or react in a rude way to your partner, often there are two voices in your head after. One justifying what you did, and the other criticising that action – these is parts of us.

And like anyone, our parts can get stuck inside, or frozen in time due to the shock that happened to us. Impacts like these stay with us so we can feel safer or in more control with the world around us. And the longer these unresolved patterns stay with us they get stored into burdens or traumas that we carry with us. All of these are happening in many ways for our own best, back then, when we had no other choices…

A grateful perspective..


This is something to be grateful for, that our parts truly want the best for us, with the information and the understanding they have, like small inner children (and we all have them). We need to help our parts unstuck, upgrade them, be open (from our Self), curious and calmly interact with our inner conversations and empower ourselves with Self leadership.

Let parts speak and listen to other parts (deeply without other parts only talking), you can always ask for space, ask your parts to please step back for a short while, thank them for their hard work and continue to listen within, and see what comes up, you might get surprised!

Self Leadership - Get to the roots!

As we become more self aware and find the roots, trace our way backwards, to help our self unstuck and find new ways, agreements from the place within, the all space – our True Self (this is really important for assuring long lasting change).

We look back at those two first questions:

What is so difficult about implementing habits that you know are good for you?

And, what thoughts or feelings come up when you ask yourself this question?

We can take a deeper dive within and truly understand what is in our way, and how we can remove obstacles and overcome personal challenges. 


The process of things..

As we all know everything takes time, it’s an investment to change, rearrange old circuits of habits. Over a lifetime we have collected and made many interesting perspectives and thought patterns about all types of things.

Through patterns from numerous parts inside, assisting in navigating and bringing to life unique experiences for us. We can look at parts as our precious crew members on our ship (our body), the captain is the Self, you get the idea.

There are as many ways of making individual change as there are individuals!

Each person must find their way to integrate. Get new habits to flow into old ones, gently shift and uplift for a smooth process to avoid setbacks. Always valuing micro habits by creating small steps along the way – to guarantee that nothing gets missed out, nothing can suddenly jump, be triggered, resist and overrun our mind & body system.

Always following a good plan- for completing goals and overcoming personal challenges.

Working both internally and externally, mind & body – we can truly make long lasting shifts in perception and thereby solutions and results.

If a too huge transformation takes place for us, that may include getting triggered, feeling unresolved pain and traumas coming up – that can be a good sign, but it can also be hard and difficult. When we are ready to release and unburden our past, we must know it`s all okay. There is pain in everyone’s life, like joy, we just have to express what needs to be expressed. We all have our right time and space whenever or however that is for us.

So these is how we can truly help our Self from the inside out, just like the movie “inside out” (from 2015). We learn how to talk, support and make agreements both within and without – these is Self Leadership. Just like training the body with repetitions over time, it`s same for our mind- as we train more awareness, again and again, what we focus on will expand.

What we resist will persist, but with the knowing why things come up in our lives, so we can finally do something about it.

Following a tailor made plan, we can ease up difficult situations, get back on track with the things we really want to accomplish in life – and stay focused, dedicated and motivated!

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